- Beth: I don't want to be twenty-X!
- Me: Well, I don't want to be twenty-X, either.
- Beth: Wait...aren't you twenty-Y?
- Me: Okay, wait...what year was I born? Okay...holy shit, I am! See? This is what happens when you start lying about your age. I know I've said it before, but if you do it enough, you will honestly forget your real age.
While doing my daily perusal of entry level job openings in NYC, I stumbled across a posting for a “Certified Euthanasia Technician.”
There is something deeply aggravating and disheartening about following up with a company you applied with and receiving a standard copy/paste “Dear Applicant…” email in response.
This is even more disheartening when you’re taking the time to follow up on a mistake your contact person previously made when they sent you a reply that consisted of an entirely blank email.
I’m feeling a bit like the Diana Ross of the unemployed population. Do not call me Applicant, call me Mr. Winkelman.
Sigh, I would hear back from a company I applied with in the form of an email with no message in its body.
Now I have to respond to this and just pray that it was a request for an interview and not a “we’re not interested in you in any capacity whatsoever” email (oh yes, those exist) because that would be very, very embarrassing.
Universe, you win again. You’re just determined to make this as difficult and dramatic as possible.
Wait, did the Angels kill Demi Moore at the end of Full Throttle? I can’t remember, but Demi is in desperate need of a box office hit as well, and I’d be up for her returning to the franchise.
I mean, she kind of blew her attempt at a comeback by becoming obsessed with her stranglehold on maintaining the illusion of youth…and Ashton Kutcher. Plus, she’s never been more enjoyable than when she was strutting around a hotel suite in Manolos, lingerie, and a fur coat, while spitting out lines like, “I was never good…I was great!” and “Yahtzee!”
(Don’t you just love how I can’t remember an important plot detail like whether her character lives or dies, but I do remember which shoes she was wearing in one particular scene?)