December 2010
36 posts
November 2010
27 posts
I’m having a pretty tough time processing this Wikileaks scandal. Not so much on the nature of the matter, but just the word. Wikileaks. My brain always wants to auto correct it to “Ricki Lake.”
“He and Marc Jacobs seem to be on a No Gay Left Behind tour.”
– Me, in response to the many, many loves of Lance Bass and Marc Jacobs.
I have yet to experience a peaceful Thanksgiving at the Winkelman house. After twenty-some years, I should probably stop hoping for one and just accept the fact that there will be screaming and pan-throwing while I crawl into a bottle of pinot grigio…
…which, in writing, reads terrifyingly like a deleted scene from “Precious.” I assure everyone, it’s not. Think more...
An oldie but a goodie, complete with backstory!
Backstory: When I’m in New York, I have a long history of scheduling dates immediately upon landing. That may sound like I’m either a) a voracious maneater or b) rather desperate, but I figure that I need to eat anyway/need a cocktail to calm my airplane-shredded nerves so why not use such time to my advantage? In 2008, my date met me...
On the topic of Camille Grammer using all of her SAT words on last night’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:
Me: Ugh this wench is using all of my favorite words! First the Big M (Machiavellian), now “petulant.”
Lillie: No! Stop having things in common with that evil bitch!
Me: She’s stealing all of my words!
Yes ladies and gentlemen, I apparently own words now and I...
I wish my dermatologist had a punch-card program. Maybe something along the lines of every 10 visits gets you a free round of Botox. That would certainly provide more incentive for me to grace their offices every 3-4 months. Thoughts?
“If my hypothetical man ever proposed to me while I was wearing polar fleece and sneakers, I’d stop the proposal cold to change into something more glamorous. Or at least get naked because I would still feel better about that look. Thinking about it now, my proposal should take place somewhere romantic like in bed…or at a gorgeous restaurant with a sparkling view of the city. Or...
Weekly Quotables, Part 2
You know you’ve been in Suburbia too long when you suggest “beige” as a color scheme.
Mama Winkelman: I think it’s time we start thinking of redoing the living room again.
Me: I agree. I’d love to see this room done in, oh, maybe a lovely shade of beige.
Mama Winkelman: Beige? No.
Me: What’s wrong with beige?
Mama Winkelman: “What’s wrong...
Weekly Quotables
Tuesday Night “Glee” chatter:
Me: If I were Quinn, I think I’d be focusing more on schoolwork and less on making out after just having had a baby.
Brittany: That wouldn’t make for good TV though, would it Justin?
Me: No, I suppose it wouldn’t. And we all know I don’t like my TV realistic. “Dynasty” and all…
Brittany: Yes, you do prefer that...
Yes, as a matter of fact I *am* in the process of purchasing a whole new wardrobe for my week in New York next month. Yes, I will be purchasing more while there. Yes, I am “That Guy.”
I’m obviously not one to do anything by halves. If I were obnoxiously wealthy, I would totally be that person who says “bon voyage” with three or four Vuitton trunks and returns with...
I have to throw this out there:
Just because the economy is currently dead on a slab in an ice-cold morgue somewhere does not give us the right to toss etiquette and courtesy out the window. Let’s take a look at the conversation I had with an unnamed employee at an unnamed company just yesterday, shall we?
Me: Hi, Ms. X? This is Justin Winkelman, I’m just returning your call about...
Happy Hour Chatter, Part 2: Baby Talk
Me: I always used to think I had really good baby names picked out, but I sort of came to the realization that I’d really just be mapping out a pretty rough life for my hypothetical children. I mean, can you imagine going through life with the name Pandora Winkelman?
*Laughter and cringing*
Me: And I mean, this whole having children thing is obviously the worst case scenario. Like if some...
We can now safely add another chapter to the book “Things That Every Idiot Knows But That Justin Tends to Forget.” When leaving the room for an extended period of time, be careful of leaving the channel on Cinemax. When I left to take a relaxing shower a little after midnight, the channel was safely playing the 1973 cult classic “The Legend of Hell House.” When I returned,...
NaNoWriMo Day One: I wrote a truly terribly hospital scene. Seriously, it’s shit. I’m not even close to happy with it and it will require extensive revisions come December. Highlights include cliche dialogue such as “Out of my way, I’m her mother dammit!” and a dramatic bedside confession.
To be fair, this kind of cliche might just be par for the course when writing...
Starbucks exchange of the day:
Kaite: So where do you work?
Me: Oh, I’m…unemployed.
Jackie: Come on Justin, can’t you think up a more glamorous answer than that? I’m disappointed in you.
You know what? I am too. Usually I’m the king of glamour wordplay. I’m going to place the blame squarely on the post-Halloween blues and the stressful side-effects of...
