Wasted Days and Sleepless Nights

It’s only Wednesday afternoon and we already have a strong contender for Quote of the Week! Or rather, dialogue of the week as it is rather lengthy.

Me: (regarding Toy Story 3) I’ve heard it’s one of the better plots of the Toy Story franchise. But then they always say that, “It’s the best one yet!” I remember Batman & Robin  was “the best one yet!” and that ruined a franchise.

Mish: Ugh, what happened there? There was so much potential…

Me: I know. Uma Thurman…

Mish: Uma Thurman…Chris O’Donnell…he was so cute. So cute!

Me: Mmm, he was. I remember I had the Robin poster above my bed. Codpiece, Bat-nipples and all. We really should have known then…Chris O’Donnell in a codpiece isn’t exactly a screaming indicator of heterosexuality. 

The problem with watching “Miami Vice” in 2010 is that, as a lover of 80’s fashion and decor, I inevitably find things that I want. Case in point: last night I fell head over heels for a pair of sunglasses Don Johnson was wearing. I’m pretty much SOL however, as this particular episode was filmed in 1986. 

I know this is going to be TMI (and if you already follow me on twitter, you’ve probably read this) but it is also a helpful tip: trying to get cum out of a fur blanket is insanely frustrating. Don’t get it there. 

This sultry weather makes me feel as though I should be lounging in all white on a fainting couch somewhere, sipping mint juleps like something out of “The Great Gatsby.” 

Then after, oh, say 11 pm, this kind of weather makes me feel as though I should be leaning against a pillar, smoking a cigarette while my lover tears my (again all white) clothing off, like a scene out of “Body Heat.” 

Either way, I feel like I really need to be on a plantation of some sort to fulfill this fantasy. Obviously, I’m the product of far too much pop culture as I’m fairly certain the average individual doesn’t have such sartorially-based seduction fantasies. 

I actually gave serious consideration to applying with “Sports Illustrated” for an editorial assistant position this afternoon. Then I remembered I’m not that good of an actor and there is no way I could pass myself off as a sports fanatic or even as someone who can tolerate other sports fanatics. The lesson here? Know thyself. 

A little tip for companies and organizations: it is pretty tactless to e-mail at the last second to cancel a scheduled interview with me. Don’t do it. Another little tip: don’t say that you’re canceling because you “found someone more suitable” than I am to fill the position in question (is “more suitable” even proper grammar?). And a third little tip: don’t patronize me by saying that you “look forward to keeping” my resume in your database. I know I’m never hearing from you again. 

If you were a date, this kind of behavior would earn you a martini thrown in your face. But since you’re a mega-company, I just have to boycott your product. Which does virtually nothing since you are a mega-company. Ah,the joys of unemployment…