Wasted Days and Sleepless Nights: Archive

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To quote Camille Grammer, I am "cautiously...

Jan 1st

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And now, my top 11 quotes of 2011:

11) “I used to think I was a Carrie, but then people were like, ‘No, no. You’re more of a Samantha.’ And then in one really insulting moment, I was called a Charlotte. I’m still a little offended by that.” 10) “If you’d like, I can teach you a sassy strut if you’re forced to walk the streets.” 9) “Ooh, my butt looks really good...

Dec 31st

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Dec 31st

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"Embrace the bitchdom. It didn't hurt Joan Collins...

In fact, it even made her one of the biggest stars of the 1980’s. Words of wisdom, people. Words of wisdom.

Dec 31st

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The Pinot Grigio has been poured. The...

Dec 31st

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Dec 31st

56,254 notes

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In keeping with the theme of my last post, I find myself wondering what kind of fabric all the furniture at Sean Cody is made out of. I only wonder because there seems to be a great deal of…spillage, let’s say, and yet, those sofas always look immaculately clean.

Dec 30th

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This new shampoo I’m trying has the same consistency of and looks exactly like cum. I don’t know how I feel about this, but I’m thinking I’m going to have to stop using it. It’s just entirely too suggestive.

Dec 30th

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Really, Mom?

Me: Oh! I forgot to tell you! I was almost in a car accident today. I was turning onto Hamilton behind this little car and, out of nowhere, the damn fool slammed on the breaks mid-turn and just sat in the middle of the street for a good five seconds.

Mama Winkelman: Well, you should just thank God that you didn't get rammed in the rear.

Dec 30th

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“I love getting holiday cards with checks in them. Oooh, $50! That’s almost a Brazilian Wax!” —Me

Dec 29th

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Dec 29th

2,068 notes

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The highlight of this holiday season has been me trying to explain the term “wig snatching” to my mother.

Dec 29th

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Dec 28th

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It’s still the holidays. That’s what I’m telling myself to justify the three cocktails and slice of cheesecake I’ve had tonight.

Dec 28th

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"You get what you give in life, and you give off,...

Dec 28th

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Dec 27th

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This seems likely to happen.

Abby: Excellent. You make sure I don't die in New York, I make you a lady in waiting when I become a princess.

Me: Deal.

Dec 27th

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Dec 26th

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“Well, it’s the holidays. We all have to make sacrifices. For example, I haven’t masturbated for four days.” —Me

Dec 26th

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Dec 26th

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Dec 26th

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Dec 26th

13 notes

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Even though I’m semi-drunk, I’m genuinely excited about the iPad I got for Christmas.

Dec 25th

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Dec 25th

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I can't believe I stayed up until 3 am watching "A...

Oh, who am I kidding? I think we can all believe I did that.

Dec 25th

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I just managed to cut my tongue on a candy cane.

Guess I won’t be giving any blow jobs tonight.

Dec 25th

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Holidays with the Winkelmans, Day Two

My father is still screaming and throwing things around the kitchen (and occasionally, down the hallway). My mother is still kind of loopy from her meds, but sadly, doesn’t think she’s a Southern Belle anymore. My life choices still bother her. I’m still drinking.

Dec 25th

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Dec 24th

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Dec 24th

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Dec 24th

15 notes

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The holidays have officially begun at the...

My mother is chastising me about my (apparently poor) life choices, while my father is screaming and throwing things around the kitchen. I think I’m going to start drinking now. I have four bottles of wine in my refrigerator.

Dec 23rd

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Dec 23rd

23 notes

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Oh yes, it’s totally that time of year again. I’m watching “The Best Chrismukkah Ever” episode of “The OC.” I miss this show. Especially Julie Cooper.

Dec 23rd

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Dec 23rd

3 notes

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Dec 22nd

1 note

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Watch

Oh, how I’ve missed snarking on my Orange County girls.

Dec 22nd

4 notes

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The Nine Lives of Carine Roitfeld →

Love this woman!

Dec 21st

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Dec 21st

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I just caught my mother watching America’s Next Top Model. She loathes everything about Top Model. Clearly, this fever has either worsened or she’s too whacked out on antibiotics to know what she’s doing.

Dec 21st

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I just managed to spill half of my bottle of water...

Apparently, I’m having my own private wet tee shirt contest.

Dec 21st

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Dec 21st

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Lillie: Um, I've forgotten how to use Excel...
Me: Ugh, I can't use Excel to save my life. Spreadsheets and I have never gotten along.
Lillie: Yeah, and I can't figure out how to format two different rows of numbers in adjacent columns...I need a tech guy...
Me: This is basically why I need to be famous. Famous people don't even need to know how to turn on a computer, but everyone else on the planet is expected to be a tech whiz. I mean, to even qualify for an entry level job I'm basically supposed to know how to build and program RoboCop.
Lillie: So true.

Dec 20th

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