Me: Ugh, Kate looked so beautiful. I had no idea that her dress was Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen. Princess Beatrice looked ridiculous though. I don’t know what she was thinking with that hat…
Mama Winkelman: Well, Fergie wasn’t even invited!
Me: The duchess or the singer? I’m assuming the duchess.
Mama Winkelman: Both. But I was referring to the duchess, which isn’t unexpected after the scandal.
Me: Which one? She’s had several in her lifetime. And I’m sorry, but that whole toe-sucking thing should never have been a scandal. On the scale of sexual kinkiness, toe-sucking is like a two, maybe a three. It’s pretty tame.
Mama Winkelman: I don’t want you doing that, Justin. You shouldn’t be sucking on people’s toes. They could have a foot fungus and then you’re sticking it in your mouth! In your mouth, Justin!
Mama Winkelman: In your mouth! No. No! I don’t like that. I don’t want you doing that. Stay away from feet, they could have a fungus. Did you know almost everyone has a foot fungus in their lifetime? Did you?
Me: Ummm…you know a lot of people have a foot fetish. Apparently, it’s pretty common these days. I think I read it’s more of a right-brained, creative thing…?
Mama Winkelman: Well I don’t want you having one. So if you do, stop. Just stop. Don’t put feet in your mouth. Do you want a fungus in your mouth? Do you?
Mama Winkelman: Exactly. Just keep your mouth away from feet. Do you hear me? Just don’t do it.
It’s midnight and I’m kind of tipsy. Why not not do a questionnaire?
Pick your five favorite TV shows (in no particular order) and answer the following questions about them. Don’t cheat!
1. Dynasty 2. Sex and the City 3. The Golden Girls 4. Tales From The Crypt 5. Melrose Place
Who is your favorite character in 2? Samantha. Every gay man thinks he’s a Samantha.
Who is your least favorite character in 1? Honestly, even though I adore Dynasty…I didn’t love a lot of the recasting that went on. Steven #2 was entirely too robotic and asexual for my tastes, Fallon #2 was poorly written until season 9, and Amanda #2 was just painful. I’m also not the biggest Claudia fan prior to her Lancelot storyline in season 4.
What’s your favorite episode of 4? It’s impossible for me to pick just one. Can I pick one from each season?
Season 1: “Only Sin Deep” (starring Lea Thompson)
Season 2: “Dead Right” (Starring Demi Moore)
Season 3: “Dead Wait” (Starring James Remar, Vanity, and Whoopi Goldberg)
Season 4: Three-Way Tie (this was an amazing season!) Between “Werewolf Concerto” (Starring Timothy Dalton and Beverly D’Angelo), “Maniac At Large” (Starring Blythe Danner), and “The New Arrival” (Starring Zelda Rubenstein and Twiggy)
Season 5: “Came The Dawn” (Starring Brooke Shields and Perry King)
Season 6: “Only Skin Deep” (Starring Peter Onorati and Sherrie Rose)
Season 7: “A Slight Case of Murder” (Starring Francesca Annis)
What is your favorite season on 5? Season 3. Amanda was never bitchier than when she was recovering from cancer and plotting a takeover of D&D with a pre-SATC Kristin Davis.
What’s your favourite ship in 3? Dorothy and Blanche’s Uncle Lucas. I’m so glad the writers allowed Dorothy to be the first of the girls to find love again.
Who is your anti-ship in 2?
Carrie and Burger. Ugh.
How long have you watched 1? I watched a few episodes as a child (and I always loved the glamour of the show), but I didn’t catch up on the entire series until SoapNet began airing the reruns decades later. Since I was born in the middle of an episode in the 80’s, I like to say Dynasty has been a huge part of my life from the very beginning.
How did you become interested in 3? My mother and I used to watch the show during it’s original run in the late 80’s/early 90’s. Rose and Blanche always made me laugh. I never thought I would see it again until Lifetime started airing reruns when I was in grade school.
Who is your favorite actor in 4? There are so many guest stars to choose from! I think Demi Moore played a believable gold-digger though.
Which show do you prefer out of 1, 2, or 5? 1. Dynasty is my all-time favorite show, but it can get a little talky. Whenever I’m having a bad day, I can pop in any season of SATC and know I’m in for a treat.
Which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3?
3, just because I watched the reruns daily from the mid-90’s through 2008.
If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? Oh Lord, I don’t know if I want to particularly be anyone from this show. Only the ghouls seemed to have a happy ending.
How would you kill off your favorite character in 1? Please. Joan Collins is an ageless legend. I would never, ever kill her off.
Give a random quote from 1. “Chin up. Stop frowning, start smiling and enjoy your caviar.”
Would a 3/4 crossover work? Ha. Hahaha. No. It could never work. Can you picture Rose Nylund in an episode of Tales From The Crypt? Neither can I.
Pair two characters in 1 that would make an unlikely, but strangely okay couple. Please. Everyone on that show slept with everyone already.
Has 5 inspired you in any way? Everything I need to know in life, I learned from Aaron Spelling.
Overall, which show has a better cast, 3 or 5? The Golden Girls, hands-down.
Which has better theme music, 2 or 4? Both are iconic.
Me: I mean, you know, I’m very open. I don’t go around lying and I write about my life, so it is what it is and if someone finds out something they didn’t necessarily know…I have to take responsibility for that. If I fall on my own sword, so be it.
Jackie: You sounds so Shakespearean! If I fall on my own sword…