April 2011
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It really shouldn’t take three martinis to get me tipsy when I’m drinking on an empty stomach. Come on bartender, get it together.
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From the Royal Wedding to Toe-Sucking
Me: Ugh, Kate looked so beautiful. I had no idea that her dress was Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen. Princess Beatrice looked ridiculous though. I don’t know what she was thinking with that hat…
Mama Winkelman: Well, Fergie wasn’t even invited!
Me: The duchess or the singer? I’m assuming the duchess.
Mama Winkelman: Both. But I was referring to the duchess, which...
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Watchrising:
“Is TV too Gay?”
Fox News Houston Affiliate questions whether programs like Glee are propaganda.
“It’s just not a lifestyle, it’s not behavior that ought to be glamorized or presented in a way that makes it idealistic.”
[towleroad]
One could make the argument that Fox News glamorizes idiocy…
I woke up with a smokey voice this morning. I’m seriously considering changing my voicemail message this afternoon so that it will sound sexier.
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It’s never a great day when you wake up to this email on your BlackBerry:
“Due to the overwhelming volume of responses, we will not be able to respond individually to applications or followups. We have received your resume and will be in touch if interested.”
This is just a polite way of saying, “We are never going to contact you.”
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Ugh. Vanessa is seriously the herpes of Gossip Girl. She goes away, she comes back. She goes away, she comes back. She just keeps coming back.
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Random Thought of the Day
I wish I knew someone named Muffy. It’s just so delightfully WASPy, pretentious and insipid.
Bonus points if she had a twin sister named Buffy.
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Ugh, why did I eat five pieces of bread at the restaurant during lunch today? I’m totally suffering from carb-guilt now.
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I swear, my Bodygroom spends more time charging than it does actually grooming.
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“Ooh, I love the way my Alexis Carrington Barbie’s jewelry catches the light. It’s so sparkly!”
Is this not the gayest thought ever? I’m probably going to start throwing up rainbows and glitter tonight.
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I just had my third anxiety attack in four days. I should probably be on Xanax or Valium or something.
What pills are the fabulous people popping these days? And do they mix well with white wine?
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Sometimes, when I’m really bored, I wonder how anyone associated with “Howard the Duck” ever thought this movie would be a hit.
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“I mean, you’re tan but you don’t look happy.”
—Bret Easton Ellis, The Informers
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I’m pretty sure if I had a quarter for every time my mother began a sentence with “Sigh, Justin…” I could afford to live in Beverly Hills.
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I’m eating Cool Whip out of the container. I just thought you all should know.
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It’s midnight and I’m kind of tipsy. Why not not do a questionnaire?
Pick your five favorite TV shows (in no particular order) and answer the following questions about them. Don’t cheat! 1. Dynasty 2. Sex and the City 3. The Golden Girls 4. Tales From The Crypt 5. Melrose Place Who is your favorite character in 2? Samantha. Every gay man thinks he’s a Samantha.
Who is your...
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Seriously, how am I related to this woman?
Me: There’s a cruise designed solely for children now? Everyone gets to go on a cruise but me.
Mama Winkelman: Why on earth would you even want to?
Me: Believe it or not, some people enjoy traveling and don’t aspire to be born, live, and die in the same town.
Mama Winkelman: Fine, go on a cruise. You’ll probably be captured by...
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Mama Winkelman: God doesn’t listen to whores, Justin.
Come on, literary agents of America! Are you really going to pass up representing a struggling writer who grew up hearing bot mots such as this?
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Cocktail Chatter: Shakespeare Edition
Me: I mean, you know, I’m very open. I don’t go around lying and I write about my life, so it is what it is and if someone finds out something they didn’t necessarily know…I have to take responsibility for that. If I fall on my own sword, so be it.
Jackie: You sounds so Shakespearean! If I fall on my own sword…
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I just managed to spill champagne all over my alarm clock. What a chic way to ruin my electronics.
Oh well. I’m not a morning person anyway.
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I think I need to take a sabbatical from Facebook.
Everyone on my homepage is either engaged, pregnant, buying a house or getting promoted.
And then there’s me.
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