August 2011
98 posts
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Has anyone else heard that Bravo has allegedly sent the Atlanta Housewives to Africa to film? Is this true? Good Lord, this is going to be a bigger train wreck than Morocco.
July 2011
103 posts
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Lillie: I know you love "Chic C'est La Vie" but she really can't sing.
Me: Oh, I'm the first to admit she can't sing. That dumb song just won me over because it's fun to dance around when I'm tipsy singing, "C'est bon, c'est bon!"
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Is there some sort of unwritten rule floating...
Oh well. All the more reasoning to go on a shopping spree.
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Fun Fact: I can basically recite all of Cristal...
Can I put this on my resume?
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Who wants to bet that Jill demands a recount on...
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It's 7:45 pm. Everyone I associate with in this...
My life is nothing short of depressing these days. I guess I’ll just online-shop the night away…
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Watchfuckyeahrealhousewives:
Sneak peek of season 2 of RHOBH.
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Dana Wilke? I don't know this stranger bitch.
Really, Bravo? You passed on Faye for a party-planner? Didn’t we learn our lesson after Jennifer Gilbert? Party-planning, “part-time” Housewives just don’t work. They never have a plot and only end up looking like the help.
Maybe I’m just a tad bitter. Maybe.
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Do I eat ice cream cones like Taylor Armstrong...
Dad: Dear Lord, Justin. Could you try eating your ice cream cone like a normal person?
Me: A normal person? How am I eating it?
Dad: You know.
Me: Seriously, I'm pretty sure I'm just licking it. How am I eating it?
Dad: You're eating it in a lascivious fashion. Most people don't look like they're trying to give their ice cream pleasure.
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This is a classy post.
As insufferable as I’ve found LuAnn this season, I think I’d be much more willing to buy into her whole “Classy Countess” schtick if she would drop the rampant usage of “Alls I knows is…” from her vocabulary.
It’s “All I know is…” darling, “All I know is…”
We’ll work on your pronunciation of Sonja...
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Andy, listen to Neil Patrick Harris. Fire these...
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I just saw a job posting for an administrative/front desk assistant. 5+ years experience required, of course (because I just have no clue how to answer a phone off the top of my head). Salary $29,000-33,000/year.
I remember way back in the crazy days of 2008 when entry level positions started at $30,000 and you only needed 1-2 years experience. I’m seriously side-eyeing this employer and...
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Ugh, my voice is all scratchy and not in the fun,...
Gee, thanks Mom. Love you too!
Mama Winkelman: Look at you. Ugh. You're so skinny, I don't know who on earth would ever willingly want to hold you.
Me: ...is that supposed to be a compliment? I mean, there was a "you're so skinny" in there, but then there was that other part...
Mama Winkelman: No, that wasn't meant to be a compliment.
Me: That was actually really mean then. I think I'm going to take it as a compliment instead.
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A snippet from this afternoon's conversation with...
Mama Winkelman: You mean gays only want to hang out with pretty women? Oooh, then they would love me!
Me: But...you don't even like the gays...
Mama Winkelman: Oh, Justin! Honestly! Where do you get these things? "You don't like the gays! You're kind of racist!" Sigh. I'm no such thing.
Me: Um, just the other day you called my Asian cuisine "Oriental Crap" and wasn't it just a month or so ago that you went on that tirade about lesbians being evil and how we, as a society, shouldn't trust them? I thought I was going to have to turn the hose on you. And I still cringe when I think about that time you compared gay men to feral dogs...
Mama Winkelman: Well, you have to admit that I'm right. Some of those gays that do nothing but sleep around and prance about in all their flaming glory just create a bad reputation for the good gays. The quiet, unassuming gays! The good ones! I'm right, Justin. You know I am. Admit it.
Me: You're really not. No one says, "Oh those douchebags and bros create a bad name for the straight men." I don't see anyone slapping the scarlet "A" on obviously straight men who are sleeping around.
Mama Winkelman: I like the gays, Justin. Just not the ones who feel the need to flaunt it and let the whole world know they're gay. That kind of lifestyle is simply not acceptable.
Me: Okay. Name one gay man that is in your life.
Mama Winkelman: Hmmm. Well, let's see... well...there was that one young gentleman who sat across the aisle from me on my flight to Vegas last fall...
Me: Oh yes, he's certainly played a crucial role in your life.
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It’s terrifying how easily I can slip into the mindset of Kelly Killoren Bensimon and her inability to stand by anything she says. Terrifying. Someone hold me.
“Honestly, to be honest with you, Bethenny isn’t successful, Bravo is successful. Bethenny’s success means Real Housewives are successful, honestly. To be honest with you, authentically, I miss Bethenny. Honestly?...
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I feel like Bravo is insulting my intelligence...
I’m not saying a woman of a certain age can’t have an unexpected pregnancy (and I’ve known several who have) but Ramona, you’re pushing 56. If your period is erratic at 55/56, is pregnancy really the first thing you think of?
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I can’t wait until “The World According to Paris” is over so I won’t have to keep seeing every member of that fame-hungry family tweeting/begging people to “tune in!” every week.
I mean, I could just not follow them, but I like Kyle Richards too much. It’s just a shame she has to be pimping this dreck 24/7.
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Vodka and antihistamines are a suburban-friendly...
One drink and I already have a nice little buzz going. It’s going to be a good evening.
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Most mothers plan their child's wedding. Mama...
Mama Winkelman: So...when you die, do you want X, Y, and Z to come to your funeral?
Me: Ohmigod, who starts off a conversation like that? "So...when you die..." That's so bloody morbid!
Mama Winkelman: Well, I just need to know. If you want them to come, I'll allow it. But if you don't, I'll have to make sure they don't slip in.
Me: Where is this even coming from? Do you know something I don't?
Mama Winkelman: Of course not. I was just sitting here...thinking about it...
Me: You were just sitting there thinking about your only child's death? What is wrong with you?
Mama Winkelman: I just like to be prepared.
Me: You know, most mothers would be in hysterics and screaming that they should be the ones to go first. They don't sit around planning imaginary funerals.
Mama Winkelman: Sigh. So, would you like X, Y, and Z to be there?
Me: Well, I'm not going to ban people from attending my funeral. All mourners are welcome.
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At some point, I apparently became "that friend"...
…and I am thankful. Apparently, worshiping at the altar of Jacqueline Susann has paid off.
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“Omg yes! I saw the picture you posted and recognized them immediately. They’re the same pair that Carrie wore to the party and that were stolen! And then Tatum O’Neal bought her a new pair to replace them, right? God, I’m too gay for my own good. My gifts are just going to waste in this town.” —Me, on the subject of a friend’s wedding Manolos.
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The fact that Tawny Kitaen has taken to twitter to inform the masses that the Real Housewives of New Jersey have “no class” just makes my night. Is this not the same woman who attacked her husband with one of her stilettos back in 2002?
I believe it was allegedly a Payless heel too. If you have any modicum of fame and decide to attack your significant other with your footwear, I...
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I was just ID'ed while purchasing a pack of...
Best night ever.
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Shaunie O’Neal, on the cast of the upcoming “Basketball Wives: Los Angeles”:
“The L.A. cast — there are some wives and fiancés, which I’m fine with. But there’s a little bit of trash kind of sprinkled into that cast that I’m totally against.”
Because the “Basketball Wives” of Miami are just the epitome of grace and tact, without a trashy bone in their...
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I admittedly haven’t been obsessively tuning in to this season of “Real Housewives of New Jersey” (there is only so much I can take of Teresa mangling the English language and Caroline shouting, “Family is family. Fix it!”), but is Melissa Gorga somehow contractually obligated to cross herself, blow a kiss and proclaim, “Thank you Jeeeeeezusssss!” in every...
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The only upside about having a summer cold is that whatever pills I took have given me a nice little buzz.
I’m semi-seriously considering adding a bottle of champagne to the mix just to see what happens.
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Damn, now I'm craving Sour Patch Kids.
Melissa: "True Life: I'm a Sugar Baby" is disgusting.
Marissa: What does that even mean?
Me: I initially pictured those giant Sour Patch Kids from the commercials. You know, because they exist and all...
I don't know exactly when my mother turned into...
Me: Did you hear Jennifer Lopez is finally getting a divorce?
Mama Winkelman: From what's-his-name?
Me: Mhmm. They lasted seven years, that's a pretty good run for Hollywood. And especially for her.
Mama Winkelman: He cheated on her, didn't he? He's a scoundrel. A scoundrel, Justin! Not that she's any better. Oh, she'll remarry again and again, but she'll never find true love. Never. All she has now are her millions to keep her company. And her children. But some day, they'll break her heart too. Just as you've broken mine.
Me: Well, I'm so glad I started this conversation now...
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