September 2012
83 posts
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It just wouldn't be a holiday weekend without an...
Dad: Over dinner, the question of which historical figure would you most like to interview came up. I don't know why people are so fascinated with that dumb question.
Me: Who did you say?
Dad: Genghis Khan.
Me: Genghis Khan?
Mama Winkelman: You want to interview a ruthless killer?
Dad: Well, it's better than your boy's answer of Marilyn Monroe during that one interview of his.
Me: Um, "your boy" is sitting right here. And that was a good answer, people loved that answer! You yourself commended me on it.
Mama Winkelman: Sigh, well...it worked for you. It wouldn't be the right answer for a man.
Me: And what exactly am I?
Mama Winkelman: Oh, we won't get into that now.
August 2012
93 posts
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Between LeAnn Rimes making headlines and Clint Eastwood speaking at the RNC, a glass of wine is utterly needed this evening.
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In honor of LeAnn seeking treatment for "anxiety,"...
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Am I the only one who is slightly surprised that...
Ever since she chose famewhoredom over an actual career, she’s been in a bikini basically 24/7. She could even name it something ridiculous like “L’eddie,” after the great love she shares with Eddie Cibrian.
Admit it, you can picture this.
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For some reason, I’m Wikipedia-ing The Mary Tyler Moore Show and all of its spinoffs.
Slow Wednesday?
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A visit to my dermatologist is always a bit like playing a game of Russian Roulette. I never know if I’m going to be complimented or told I’m the reincarnation of Quasimodo.
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Regarding Real Housewives and Ramona's bizarre...
I know there are men in the camera and lighting crews that are following you around. Doesn’t that technically (technically!) blow the equation right there?
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The good: Last night, I had a dream that I was a prince. I got to wear a huge crown and everything.
The bad: One of the servants informed me that they were sent to murder me, per the request of my high school choir director.
The good: The servant had a change of heart, and, much like in Snow White, they agreed to let me live.
The bad: I was told to flee to Snooki’s house to hide/start my...
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Me: I swear, these shorts were not this short when I bought them earlier this year.
Beth: Are you sure? Because they were pretty short when you wore them the first time.
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A spider was in my hair.
A fucking spider was in my hair.
I can’t. I’m done for the day. Give me the vodka.
As always, GIFs courtesy of RealityTVGIFs.
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'Vajazzle' added to Oxford Dictionary Online →
Somewhere in NYC, Cindy Barshop is beaming proudly.
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There is so much irony in the fact that I can’t seem to get hired to save my life, yet here I am helping other people craft resumes.
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This week in The Glamorous Life of Justin:
A spider apparently decided that my bedroom was the perfect location to have babies.
It was wrong.
I’ve killed 32 of the little bastards in the last 24 hours. I now know how Joan Collins felt in Empire of the Ants, if you substitute giant paper-mache ants with tiny baby spiders.
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The 45 Biggest Homophobes of The Advocate's 45... →
Includes such “paragons of virtue” Ronald Reagan, Rick Santorum and, of course, Anita Bryant.
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“My silly Valentine. You’ve got the three-in-the-morning blues....”
– Spider Elliott, Scruples
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I'd really like a shot of tequila right now, but...
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Luhrmann allegedly attempting to raise funds for... →
This movie is just going to be one giant mess, isn’t it? Hollywood really needs to stop trying to adapt The Great Gatsby…it just doesn’t translate to the screen.
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I’m not exactly sure why I’m singing Meredith Brooks’ “Bitch” at 1:45 in the morning, but here we are.
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Tonight’s quarter-life crisis is being brought to you by CareerBuilder.com, which has just informed me that I should become a shoe salesman.
A shoe salesman.
Unless these shoes go by the names of Manolo, Christian and Jimmy…no dice, CareerBuilder.
RIP my career, we never knew ye.
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“In the list of these Best-Dressed women, over and over again, we find an element...”
– Amy Fine Collins, on the women who comprise the International Best-Dressed List
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I may have just seen my middle school nemesis in...
Cue dramatic music.
As always, GIF courtesy of RealityTVGIFs.
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I'm suddenly craving caviar.
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“…buying clothes should be as satisfactory as a good fuck…”
– Spider Elliott, Scruples
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I’ve had half a glass of wine and I already feel a little tipsy. These are the joys of having only a salad for dinner.
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